Dear fate...you just couldn't let me breathe right? Or i'm the one who's getting myself into this? Jump into blazing fire and try to stay alive.
Struggle and survive.
Like i always do.
I'm gonna pick these up.
All of them bit by bit.
Urgh..
我不怕挑战
不怕压力
只怕在我努力的当儿掉了你
现在发了疯似的赚钱
无可否认
你占了三份之一。
呵
加油！
希望计划能如愿以尝！
Sometimes i wonder, is it good for me to carry these burden all by myself?
I never wish or hope that they would THANK me. i just hope that they'll understand. And thats all i'm asking.
What doesnt kill you makes you stronger.
I always carry this thought with me.
And now i'm gonna prove it right!
Its time.
Yes, wind does HOWLED.
And i'm letting myself go with it.
For so far i didnt realize that you're in the way.
Great.
I said i'd stop blaming.
I'd QUIT blaming.
And so i will.
After all these times.
And here comes 'Decision 3'.
On you i'm letting go.
I'll fucking promise to every fucking one.
I WILL NOT FAIL THIS TIME.
This MARCH, is ALL i need.
Here i hope you'd understand.
I'm letting go is because
i wanna see you success.
i wanna see you grow.
i wanna prove to dad that you are just as good as he thought.
i wanna see you get what you deserve.
i wanna be proud of you.
and i love you.
All the way sis.
Life's ahead.
Challenges await.
我又因为你生气了
你怎么可以那样？
现在是什么情况？
我好像完全不在状况内
你在想什么我不知道。
有时觉得你内心在想什么瞒不过我
但这种情况，
I CANT TELL!!!
有时再想，如果可以
我要忍痛
跟你断绝。
想到这里
心就纠得...
好。
呵呵
好。
就这个月。
要么
不做
我一不做
二不休！
幹!!!!!
Its getting worse. i dont know whether i'm doing it right. Should i keep caging it? or just unleash? I'd turn into a monster i know. and THAT's where the LONELINESS begin. I ask myself somehow: is this really what i wanted? the halo kept me hesitated. i've been carrying this all my time. is my life any easier? No. Pathetic no. there's a todo list of my halo. and i'll make your car last. I wanna walk with the evil. because i've been pushed too far. WAY to far. There's no fighting back with this fucking halo. I'ma destroy everything that gets into the way. MY way.
Scared?
Then start running.
现在的感觉，
让我想起超过10年前的泳术班。
还记得第一次
教练带着我游到9尺深
稍微教了我姿势
就自己游走了。
留下因害怕而扶着池边的我
对。
就是这个感觉。
突入而来的无助、恐惧。
但是，当时的我，
成功游到对面了。
你现在
像在一边看着我
观察着我是否有能力、及克服
那你给我一个月的时间。
这条河，
我一定过得去！
只要你答应
会在对岸
等我
How do i describe it when i sleep on the couch?
Erh....
I love how it feels when i returned home after one day of work, lying on the couch
Is either random guitar plucking, listen to songs, play with all my 契仔契女, read articles
or just simply doing nothing
Couch is something that meant a lot to me in a house.
Maybe its because i've spent one year on it.
Every family member in my house moved out and surprisingly DID NOT leave a single mattress for me.
Great, right?
I started sleeping there.
I could STARE (seriously, i STARE) at my mom's photo until i fall asleep.
I could talk to my mom, though i know she'll never be hearing anything i say.
But i just did.
Then i sprained my waist and my back so bad that i cant even stand straight or bend over.
So there i was, STILL sleeping on the couch but in siting position.
How long did that last?
Let me think....
Almost 4 weeks.
One year later, sleeping on the couch has become some odd habit of mine that most of my friends would pick on me for.
Haha..
To me, a house without a couch,
Is NOT complete.
So guys,
QUIT asking me to come into the room and sleep.
Here,
Its different.
Problems unsolved trapped in my head
Haunting past
I stopped taking for a while
So i end up sleepless almost every night.
So i choose to laze on the couch
trying to catch some sleep
but then
FAILED. (its like EPIC FAIL)
For these months,
I would lie on the couch,
and stare into the air.
and wait for the drowsiness to strike
and feels like the whole world starting to fade away
Noisiness, laughter.
Nothing.
And now,
Two of the best brothers that mean a lot to me,
has gone.
to someplace else, SOON.
I'm reluctant to that.
But what to do?
I gotta move on!
West,
We've got lotta goals to score!
At least we can still fight together, right?
I'm honored to know both of you.
Despise what the fuck ever they talked about you.
Just, dont let me down.
Like i dont let you down.
*sighs*
somehow
i've found out that thinking of you would warm my heart.
you're like a mild heat
deep inside the core
slowly giving out
that bring me warmth and a SLIGHT reason for me to smile or even laugh.
: ) like what i'm doing now.
Somehow i thank everything, for knowing you.
Well,
Maybe we both DONT need any crystal relationship
Because deep inside,
We both know
How special we mean to each other.
And i guess THAT, is enough for you.
God, i love your smile..hah
I wonder if you can hear how badly my heart pounds every time you come close, sitting right beside me
I wonder if you feel the same towards me..
Started missing you already!
*hearts*
yikes...guess i'll be alone this Valentine's day... =/
站在河邊的我
注意了你很久
一开始觉得你真的不讨人喜欢
可是过后
发现你也讨厌得可爱
也开始越来越无法自拔
所以
伸手到水裡
逗着你
突然很想将你带回家
放了個小網
隨意地看看你會不會上鉤
從來沒有想過要認真地、必要地擁有你
順其自然。
过了那么久，
当我都要开始放弃，离开河边，
你这只鳖呀..
才一头闯进那个网子里
我很开心真的很开心 =')
可是
把你抓在手心才发现你一点也不开心
我也只好把你放回河里..然后离开
至少从今以后
都不再干扰你
让你小鹿乱撞
让你心烦
再见了，我的鳖.. :')
你一定要幸福!
这个新年，过得比自己想象的，更有意义。
真的很欣慰自己能找到一个像他那样的朋友。
虽然之前..有点误会，
但
今天看你们好好的，
又听west说了，
觉得误会..应该都过去了吧?
最后算将功补过?
说真的，已经是第几次发生这样的事情了?
真的要好好反省，改过这种容易对人好的习惯了。
我只是
交颗心出来当朋友而已。
就那么简单。
希望都过去了。
不然就赶羚羊的给我找个女朋友吧?!!!!??!?!?!!!!
她距离我太远了......考虑放弃中... ='(
这个新年，
对自己许下了承诺，
25号起的5年内，
不看医生！
*拿药，还有scan除外... :p
交待完东西后，
有种很放松，
很安心的感觉
比较能睡了 *安慰*
今天，赌懒到有种程度!
呵
反正都是我的错。
命运吧?
让我莫名其妙滥用了你的信任等等的如此如此这般这般。
真是的。
知道我老是滥用你又老是信任我..? -.-
哎，等下还有一堆垃圾要忙！！！！！！
能睡多久就睡多久吧..
也有点睡意了
Zzzz 安!
Sometimes i thought, does it have to be like this to learn everything i wanted?
I dont get it!
I know! (we all know)
that this is important.
I've been given this job, and i'm taking it really seriously. Until i'm not sleeping well for these nights.
After all that struggle?
It was pass on to someone else.
You dont even listen to me!
WTF?
Alright.
Its MY fault. I've got to admit it.
I know i've always not been good enough for anything.
but fuck!
I'M TRYING!! Why cant you just see what am i going through?
This admin assistant.
Fuck it man!
I have to be tougher!
I have to improve!
I MUST!!!!!!
This thing,
will NOT happen again!
I fucking swear to GOD.
There's no way of losing anything anymore.
I SWEAR.
好久没有那么压力了，比起Meta M,,这里面对的一切，喘不过气。
啊！！！
那就把这些当成动力，让自己前进的动力
我很高兴真的很高兴能够加入Macoto，有这个机会跟着全新的公司一起成长
原本的却很想(妄想)当AM..除了一丁点(真的只有一丁点)的私心之外，另外，更因为可以更深入地了解公司一切一切的运作，从producing到marketing。
来这里之前，
我用尽我所能，誓必要在短短3个月的时间内，能学多少就学多少。
为了AIRCRAFT。
为了自己。
为了家人。
为了未来。
一定要完成的目标。
但是，
真正了解了，
才发现
自己懂的
真的少得可怜。
我要怎么拼，才能补回这一切的不足?
好压力，真的好压力
连要怎么抒解这些压力，都不知道。
喝酒吗? 抽烟吗?
坦白说，
不够。
回到宿舍睡觉前后
都是paper work。
明明都是很基本的一切
但是
我的处理方式
我的效率
他妈严重的不够好。
我一定要加油
一定要更拼
压力
来吧。
这一切，
还不足以打垮我。
加油。
心情被你弄得有点复杂。
不过很快，
我调适过来了。
从里面，
让我觉得很庆幸，
原来你是真的对我有付出过我看不到的真心
让我觉得很无奈
原来我怎么做都有再伤害你的成分
让我觉得安慰
看来最了解你的还是我
呵呵
那你回答我，
你想跟我在回一起吗?
这，只是一个问题。
答案，不论你回答什么
我想用回 你常回答我 当我问到关于我们一切的东西的答案：
让一切，顺其自然。 =)
目前的我，
一点也不想谈恋爱
不想拍拖
不想身心有个让我惦记，或放不下的人。
就算是nicole，
我也不想。
不想跟你在一起，
并不是因为她
而是
我心境变了。
也许有很多吧?
我不懂。
我已经不能像以前一样，
把感情放在第一。
眼前有太多太多的事情比感情来得重要
事业
家人
金钱
未来
呵
连想跟她在一起的原因，
竟然存有我自己的私心。
因为
她
够独立
够成熟
所以想借助她的这些经历，
更加更加地增值自己！
不管是生活上也好，心理上也好...
(好自私吼? ;p 不过我是打从心底地很喜欢她..)
我现在找的对象
必须要有足够的能力
去陪我分担我即将面对的一切
包括：生活，经验，心事，当然还有压力。
她，
即将28岁了。
身后的故事，
她的背景
很让我钦佩，
很有经验
不管是人生，生活，生意经营，人脉
最吸引我的
是她的性格
就跟你一样
大剌剌 =)
我现在并不想跟她告白，
除了因为她有男朋友之外
也因为我现在还没有准备好。
除非她愿意陪我一起努力，
否则我不会踏出这一步。
只想给自己一点时间
证明
就证明
男人能给到她的，
我也能。
Its christmas eve.
hows everybody doin'?
Celebrating?
Good.
I didnt really enjoy much.
Just woke up early and started buying gifts and cards for those who wanted a christmas present exchange.
Bought lotta stuff.
Seriously.
A LOT.
What a day!
things didnt really turns out well as i thought. ugh.
I think you've known it from the very beginning, right?
I dont wanna confess or tell you right away.
Because its not the time yet.
But its kinda sad that i've lost a battle early since before i really faught it.
Is he your boyfriend?
I was wondering.
I know what i've said about you if having boyfriend then i'd quit involving.
but DAMN!
Its harder, MUCH harder than you think.
Lettin' go the one you liked so much.
Maybe i've given too much hope on you, and me.
What i've planned to do.
What i've planned to show you.
What i've been planning to tell you.
What i've struggled to keep this in.
You were SO close.
Yeah, physically.
Please, i really dont like it when personal stuffs gets messed with my career.
Cant concentrate, AT ALL!!!
Had two dose today.
Thought i wasnt gonna make it.
But hell.
Here i am.
Updating.
About you.
Its a good thing to have this kept.
Like FOREVER too, eh?
I drank a little.
Wasnt enough for a mood like this.
Nicole! 我喜欢你..我真的很喜欢你
我不管你的过去，我喜欢的是你，现在在我眼前的你!
好像对你这样说..想对你坦白。
不管你接受我或不，只想很简单地让你知道，这份感觉。想让你给我一个机会，证明。不过都过去了。
还没比，就先被取消资格了。
真的很无地自容。
可悲。
真的很舍不得..
这种喜欢，让它静静地待在心里的最深处，自己懂得欣赏就好。
像车上望后镜里的风景，都过去了。
不过我知道什么比较重要。
眼前，还有等着我处理的一切。
要做到的，一定不能半途而废！
已经开始到一半了。
说什么也不能放弃！！！
加油！
她是不是很可爱呢? =) <3
一场大雨让我们相遇..
不，
这不是我的故事
经历了很多波折
我离开了茶太
呵
来到Macoto
知道这一切开始
是艰难的。
毕竟那些垃圾货.......
第一次遇见你，
对啦，有雨。
我记得很小
印象，说真的
有点差 :p
觉得你
爱逞强
爱面子
好胜
还有很粗鲁！
不过
这一切在我们相处的这一段时间里
变了
我在你的逞强中看到了独立
在你的爱面子中看到了骨气
在你的好胜中看到了不屈不挠的精神
在你的粗鲁中看到了可爱
呵...有时真想说你很鳖诶!
你鳖女又大剌剌的性格，
我真的没有抗拒的余地
我发现，
自己越来越没有办法压抑这份感觉
自己越来越没有办法将目光从你身上转移
越来越无法自拔
你的笑容
呵
让我失魂
我是真的喜欢上你吗?
这种感觉
是喜欢吗?
每次才放工
就想你了
呵
差了8岁的我们
有可能吗?
拜托不要说我幼稚说我像小孩
给我一个机会
我会悦变成撑得起你还有你一切的人
我不想告白
我要让你看见
我要你也喜欢，也想
我一定会更加努力!
:)
晚安了，鳖 💗
我，活在一个不容许我慢慢思考的世界里。
我一定要更打起12分的精神还有警惕，去应付这些迎面而来的挑战。
一定要慢慢地讲；快快地想！
一定要把自己练得更强，
才能活下去！
这样就想打垮我？
有着一份天真，真的很不错。
不过哪一天我倒下，
你从我身上踩过去，
但是你要一定要记得：
我要是站了起来，我就双倍奉还给你！
In the real world,
You kill,,
or get killed!
I'm still alive.
Posting all these shit.
I swear I'ma become stronger than anyone can imagine!
I must fight!
I must learn!
To ENDURE!!
For myself!
For survival!
For testimonial!
One day,
I'ma spit on these pussies that stepped and kicked me when i'm down!
A bad day or a bad life,
nothing matters anymore.
Mess with me? Yeah.
I'll make sure you regret for that.
Wow, its been a while since i last updated. Haha...well here's just some thoughts, and events i went through.
And I'M BACK!
at Chatime.
This time, for something different.
Maybe myself, my dream. Yea
Its still a bitchin place.
If the interview this afternoon make me lost my job,, Chatime is seriously brainless enough.
And yea...here's some lil' thing for you.
You make me curious about how you feel towards me.
It is me or you looking at me all the time?
Is it me or your smile is really THAT attractive?
If you have no intention to stay,
please
Dont come knock on my door.
从第一次见面聊天，
你不知道我多想问你
无名指上的戒指，
是唬人的吗?
又为什么那天撞见你和那个男的，
你马上松开他的手?
我不想玩，
因为我输不起。
离开吧..不要让我想太多。
好吗?
